I tend to find myself in situations where I question people who I once found near and dear to my heart. My mom would send me to the babysitter on the next block when I was just a few months old. The babysitter had young children as well. I went to this sitter for years so I kind of grew up with her children. We would play with Barbie dolls sing and listen to music and just have a good ol’ time.
As teenagers her daughter and I were pretty close. I would catch the train downtown and shop at the good stores and my mom would spend a pretty penny on my things. She would say if you want quality you have to pay for it you can’t go to those cheap stores and expect to get good stuff. So I got this “Used” blue jean outfit with the jacket and shorts. You couldn’t tell me nothing I was fresh. Long story short my friend asked me to wear my jacket I snuck it out the house and let her wear it. When she returned it …it was pink..OMG!!!!! What am I going to tell my mom…I cried all the way home. I got in so much trouble ..have you ever gotten a whooping ..I did that day! Being kind and generous just trying to let my friend enjoy the nice things I had. She never offered to replace my jacket and she never even apologized.
As we got even older I began to see even though I had always been a good friend to her she was never a good friend to me. I kind of was holding on to this friendship because we had know each other for such a long time vs. what I was experiencing or benefiting from it.
When other people were around the friendship was different, I realized that I was the one doing the calling all of the time, she often bailed out on plans. So all these things as I got older looking back was like …this friendship is more toxic than it is a safe place. In my head it was a breakup because for over 30 years she was part of my life but I knew what was best for me…here is what I learned about friendship break ups……
1. Address the issues head on. Lay everything about how you feel on the table. If the response is acceptable and you can heal and move on great.
2. Just naturally move on stop calling, stop making arrangements and let things just fade out. This is a non confrontational way to address things and then you realize if they valued your friendship they would attempt to reach out to you.
3. It doesn’t have to be bad feelings or a big argument. Do what makes you happy. It can hurt but in the end you have to take care of you. You deserve the best and toxic people will never clap for you.
Life experiences will teach you lessons all the time. I have learned to place make myself a priority and know that when you are good to people you deserve good in return. Its not anyone’s fault its just part of life’s journey to grow.